Yay! It’s been one year since I started blogging. I have blogged before but did not have a steady set of audience as of now. One year back, I was pretty clueless as to what next, fast forward to today, I am on my way out of the rut, I despaired then, I hope now, I had no faith then, I believe now.
Was I a good person then? I don’t know . Am I better now? In some ways, yes.
I know my faults, the hard thing is to weed out the things that do not make me Me.
I thought I was lost, spiritually and .. But you know what, God heeds a broken heart. I wondered if after the hundred and one times I strayed, forgot to pray, if I was worthy for his love, if he would love me and I asked him for a sign. I shouldn’t have but I believed I was truly lost. I have a basil plant here, a small one and it was not doing good this winter. It was decaying from root up. I lost a few saplings and the others were decaying. I asked God to heal them and keep them well alive to show me that I could also live again. One month later, the leaves still bloom in the saplings that started decaying. They are alive and I am happy.
God spoke to me through different people, through the parable of the lost sheep.
“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
I was the lost sheep and he came after me. I am no longer lost because he loves me. While I despaired before, I hope and I believe now.
Breaking the outer man and letting the inner man grow is one of the hardest things out there. It’s a battle. It’s a spiritual war. One thing that you need to know is that He will never give up on you. If you are the lost sheep, he will come after you, he will pick you up and put you over his shoulders, love you unconditionally and give you joy and happiness in leaps and bounds.
Am I a better person? In some ways, yes.
It’s been one year blogging and this is my heart on paper. I wrote to my heart’s will, met some amazing people out here, and I think I grew out my social anxiety disorder( a little credit to blogging) . This year’s been insightful, I looked into my soul and I cannot tell you if I liked what I saw but I’ll weed out the bad and plant good in my heart. This is a promise that I’ll be a better person, I’ll be who I want to be, fearless and brave, spiritual and kind. I’ll look into myself one day and be proud of who I am.