When you grow up, your heart dies. 

 

22 years old  and not willing to grow up.

I guess that’s why I am an adolescent in many ways.

There is this vision we have when we are kids, to grow up and change the world.

That’s what I thought when I was a kid.I thought I would make the world a better place. I would bring joy. My family would rejoice.

Here I am, 22 and a half years after my birth, 17 and more from when those dreams where dated. Where am I?

What have I done?

I am confused, miserable,angry and lonely. Not alone  but lonely. I am not Miss goody shoes anymore and I hate that. I am 22 and a half years old and I haven’t made the world any better. I haven’t made myself any better.

I am 22 and a half years old. I prefer to be lost in the other worlds between the covers of a book than to confront reality. It’s easier to cling to the pages of other worlds and believe that everything will always be better. It’s easier to ignore the world outside, the one where little kids starve and people die of cancer, the one where people lose their dear ones for no fault of their own.

It’s easier to be a kid and to be happy despite all . It’s easier to love . It’s easier to quarrel and make up in 2 minutes flat.It’s easier not to have enemies. It’s easier .

I do not want to let go. I am miserable. It’s time to grow up . I do not want to let go lest I forget who i was.

 

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4 thoughts on “When you grow up, your heart dies. 

  1. OMG, give yourself a break, 🙂 it may not seem like it, but you are still young young young and have so much ahead of you. You are much too hard on yourself.

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  2. This was very relatable. I’m 24 now and throughout the past six years, I’ve struggled with many of the same things you are. I’ve had dark, dark periods of my life when doubt and frustration and the nagging feeling of not being good enough seriously affected my mental health. I think maybe the problem comes from the fact that we think we HAVE to be this or that. We feel like we should be changing the world and going places but… says who? What helped me overcome the darkness was to find something I was truly passionate about. It gave me life, meaning, and purpose. Maybe self-discovery might help you some too.

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    1. I am so glad you founs yourself. I am on my way and it is confusing, sometimes hopeless. Feel like i am in limbo and the only thing that keeps me rooted is the blog ☺. Hopefully, soon I’ll find my passion .What was it for you?

      Like

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