Lonely

It’s been a while since I have been in touch with any of my friends. They are all far far away and I’m in UAE  pondering over the perplexing question, “What next?”. I am cooped up at home doing almost nothing. Fear looms above all else and I seem to have no idea of what I want of my life. 23 and clueless.

I am an introvert, letting people in is the most difficult thing that I have ever done. Making small talk is the worst. I have been immersed in the world of books the past couple of months,fleeting like a ghost invisible and jumping from one story to another. It’s just too much of that world at this point and I want more, I want company.

Some people just ease in and talk on and on. In my experience, there are two kinds of this type, one – the fair weather friend, they talk on and on, they make jokes, they lead you easily into friendship and then they talk behind your back and stab you when you are not looking, the second – they talk, they make you relaxed, they earn your trust and they keep it, these are the kind of people that you should be friends with. I have been weary of people for so long, there are many reasons I find it difficult to talk, one of them being that I have met many of the first category I talked about, some I find intimidating, some I am shy to talk to, some I don’t feel worthy to, some I fear to talk to and not because they are scary but because I have the social anxiety disorder thing going on that I am trying to get rid of. It’s been a while since I have had friends around me. So, I am here, at my solace , wondering how life’s gonna turn out, worried a lot about my scoliosis,my career and the person I turn out to be.

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