*From the time I started blogging, I have wanted to write about this but it has remained the hardest topic to write on. I have started and found no words many a time.But it’s time and I have to write this because I am a Scoliosis warrior*
I am asymmetric. Yep! You heard me right. I have uneven shoulders, a curvy spine, a curvy posture, and the left of my rib cage protrudes out. My clothes hang weird on me. I can’t wear form fitting clothes. Most of the time the clothes I wear bother me because they are not made for asymmetric folks like me. People tell me to stand straight , I get annoyed and let me tell you folks who keep telling me to stand straight or sit straight, mind your own business. If I could, I would have.
I was diagnosed at 13 with a 35 degree thoracic curve, a “c” curve to the layman, and I met many a doctor who wanted to cut me open and screw up my spine. No one knew Why? or What? I was confused. One doctor said it was because of my posture(he could not be more wrong), another said it must have been trauma, I didn’t trust their skills enough to risk a spine surgery. To date, no one really knows the real cause of scoliosis.
What’s scoliosis you ask? Normal people have a straight spine, we , scoliosis warriors do not, ours is S shaped or C shaped. I’ll scare you with my X ray at the end of this note. Watch out.
I can’t run for long, climb for long, cycle for long or exert myself too much, my back ends in pain. With the change in the skeletal structure, there is also a change in the muscular structure of the body , hence the pain.
Do you know how jealous I get when I see someone donning a sari and showing off their perfect straight back? Yep, that’s what I get jealous of 😛
It’s been 10 years, a lot of pain, mental and physical. Mental, how? People don’t stop asking why and some even went to the extent of blaming me and my posture, telling me to eat and not be skinny anymore and then maybe my twisted back would stand upright, I mean, really?
I am ranting, I apologize. It’s been a long journey learning the what’s and why’s. I found a really good doctor and my surgery is on April 28th. I have been praying and I am calling upon all those who had the patience to read through to the end to pray for me, because I know God will heal me. He will be with me through the surgery, through the pain I am dreading, and He will help me walk, He will help me stand, He will be with me.
I am the type of person who faints at the sight of a needle. However, ever since I decided to have this, God gave me a confidence that I did not have before. For some reason that I cannot ponder, I am not scared. I know there will be pain and I am ready to take it on. Thank you God for this amazing confidence, it’s amazing because I have never been so sure or confident about anything. I have never been brave. Lots to do and lots to cross off.
I am happy and positive : )
I hope to write more about this because when once I was depressed a blog post helped me and an amazing community of scoliosis sisters in Instagram.
That’s my spine.