Dopamine rush #1

‘Forever is made up of nows’, said Emily Dickinson.

It’s the little things that count. The snippets of joy that erupt in our tiny ventricular chamber are pumped through to the teeny tiny cells of your body by the aortic valve and to your thinking organ and exchanged one after the other through synapses, in effect making you rejoice.

Petrichor, the brick red- orange sunset that lit the horizon, the rustic music of the winds and the waves, the quiet of the ocean, the green of the land, love unlimited.

The coffee you have in the mornings, an evening walk, sunshine peeking through the leaves, that splash when you jump into a pond, the weird looking clouds spread across the heavens. Clouds are little curios. You look at them and see what you want to see- a swarm of turtles, cupid with a tiny arrow, an airplane, a ghost and mostly, a cloud.

Listening to  that one favorite song, that hit of vanilla and baked goodies that makes your kitchen the place to be, a good hour of exercise which makes your muscles scream, that morning walk when the sun breaks out – all of this, the little things that you might think are trivial , they are the nows that make you truly happy.

A road trip with your friends and being kissed by the waves, conquering a fear, writing this article and constantly checking how many people have read it 🙂 , and the sparrow who is perching on your window.

This is what gives you a dopamine rush, things that make you You.

Hold on to them tight. Never let them go.

And with that ,






Wandering from one place to another in this gypsy life, I have come to realize that home is never a place,it is a feeling that becomes the zest of you.

It is the quaint street with yellow flowers and picket fences. It is the gush of wind that blows against you when you sit lost in thoughts staring at the endless waters and the mighty waves that kiss the shore. It is the rhythm of the seas. It is the pretty purple shell that you found on the beach.

It is the last time you saw your best friend. It’s the stony pavement outside your school where you sat down like orphan beggars on the road.

It’s a book that found you. It’s that precious smile on your little brother.

It’s going to sleep with stories from your grandmother.

It is your favourite golgapa shop.  More than often it is a person whose love clings to you and pushes you forward. It’s that tug of that heart that love’strong hold




Bring me the two most precious things in the city,” said God to one of His Angels; and the Angel brought Him the leaden heart and the dead bird.

“You have rightly chosen,” said God, “for in my garden of Paradise this little bird shall sing for evermore, and in my city of gold the Happy Prince shall praise me.

I can never be the happy prince(It is one of those stories that twinges your heart). Even if  others are drowning in an ocean of grief, I cannot stop myself from grumbling on my little  problems. The happy prince of Oscar Wilde gave away his rubies and eyes[sapphires] to help the poor in need, to  encourage the playwright who lost his inspiration, to a little girl who lost all the wares she sold in a puddle of water. The happy prince never complained nor did his messenger, the swallow. Don’t I complain or even remember a small act I did as the greatest thing in the world when the happy prince gave his own eyes and the swallow,his life? The swallow who was to fly away to Egypt stuck on with the prince after he lost both his eyes and gave himself to death.

The happy prince and the swallow are  the symbols of self-sacrifice and love, of Christ, the one who sacrificed his life for the whole of mankind so that we may have eternal life.


Lost and found #1

For the past month or two, I have been trying to get up and write, ideas fleeted through and yet when I  looked to pen them down, words vanished.

My last past was “I’m back” but truthfully speaking, I wasn’t though I meant to. I thought about giving up blogging but I couldn’t. I am in some ways lost and this was a medium to rediscover myself, I know some pieces of myself but there are parts that are still confusing.

I have been trying to change my life around, become a better person, more kind, more patient , knowledgeable,  but there are still parts of me that is hard to let go.

To the confusing bits of myself, to the clueless bits of myself, listen : you know what you want, you know who you want to be me, do not give up, strive harder, you know your goal , if it is not working, change the way you go about it.

And with that, I’m truly back.



I am back!

Hello friends, fellow bloggers and you amazing people who read me,

I am back! And with a bang? My English teacher would condemn the use of this punctuation, I do care but I will let it slide this once, “It’s okay, Jovi”.

After a break of more than a month , I am back.

The past month was testing, life changing, humbling, painful and miraculous.

I wouldn’t wish the pain I suffered through on my worst enemy. More about that on a later post.

There was a moment through the last month when my family thought I was going to shed my mortal coil but His steadfast love, merciful love, Agape love, stitched my soul onto my body and kept me safe under his wings. Thank you, Lord!

For now, I am back here in my own little space to write my heart out, to be myself and be happy, content and make a change hopefully.



The Lord’s answer

Joel 2: 21-27
Be not afraid and be glad and rejoice, the Lord has done great things

Be not afraid for the open pastures are becoming green

Trees are bearing their  fruit , the fig tree and the vine yeild their riches

Be glad, Jovi , rejoice in the Lord for He has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. 

I will send you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.

The threshing floors will be filled with grain;

The vats will overflow with new wine and oil

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten. 

I have sent my great army for you

You will have plenty to eat until you are full

You will praise the name of the Lord who has worked wonders for you

Never again will you be shamed

You will know that I am the Lord your God

The Lord who loves you, understands you, cares for you, holds your hand, tells you the secrets that runs in the deep and heals you with his healing blood, the Lord who has watched over you all your life, who framed each cell of your being in the womb, who knew you even before you were born. This is my promise. I will watch over you and I will be be by your side no matter what, loving you.

Bent not broken#2 (On a break)


Three more days to the surgery. Hold me in your prayers. I don’t know when I’ll be able to post next. I’ll be in the ICU for a few days and then under bed rest. 

Perfect love casts out fear. The God of everything, the lily of the valley, my rose, my Lord is with me. He said, “Cast your anxiety on me for I care for you”. So, I gave him my burden and he is amazing enough to work miracles. ☺

Hope you all out there are well. Catch you with a quirky post as soon as I am back.



One year anniversary

Yay! It’s been one year since I started blogging. I have blogged before but did not have a steady set of audience as of now. One year back, I was pretty clueless as to what next, fast forward to today, I am on my way out of the rut, I despaired then, I hope now, I had no faith then, I believe now.

Was I a good person then? I don’t know . Am I better now? In some ways, yes.

I know my faults, the hard thing is to weed out the things that do not make me Me.

I thought I was lost, spiritually and .. But you know what, God heeds a broken heart.  I wondered if after the hundred and one times I strayed, forgot to pray, if I was worthy for his love, if he would love me and I asked him for a sign. I shouldn’t have but I believed I was truly lost.  I have a basil plant here, a small one and it was not doing good this winter. It was decaying from root up. I lost a few saplings and the others were decaying. I asked God to heal them and keep them well alive to show me that I could also live again. One month later, the leaves still bloom in the saplings that started decaying. They are alive and I am happy.

God spoke to me through different people, through the parable of the lost sheep.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

I was the lost sheep and he came after me. I am no longer lost because he loves me. While I despaired before, I hope and I believe now.

Breaking the outer man and letting the inner man grow is one of the hardest things out there. It’s a battle. It’s a spiritual war. One thing that you need to know is that He will never give up on you. If you are the lost sheep, he will come after you, he will pick you up and put you over his shoulders, love you unconditionally and give you joy and happiness in leaps and bounds.

Am I a better person? In some ways, yes.

It’s been one year blogging and this is my heart on paper.  I wrote to my heart’s will, met some amazing people out here, and I think I grew out my social anxiety disorder( a little credit to blogging) . This year’s been insightful, I looked into my soul and I cannot tell you if I liked what I saw but I’ll weed out the bad and plant good in my heart. This is a promise that I’ll be a better person, I’ll be who I want to be, fearless and brave, spiritual and kind. I’ll look into myself one day and be proud of who I am.



On getting out of the rut #1

I used to think that the Israelites were ungrateful brats. And that if the Lord, did the same things for me , if he brought me out of my chains, if he parted the seas for me, if he made the Sun stand still for me, if he took down the wall of Jericho for me, if he parted heavens and showered down heavenly food when I was hungry, I would be eternally grateful. But you know what? He did those for me. He moved my mountains and brought forth new springs for me, and yet  I wasn’t grateful, not in the least.

A few weeks back, I was despairing over what next. I am stuck, and it’s been a year. I kept thinking that I made the wrong choice choosing physics and suffering through Masters. I felt like I can’t go ahead and that I won’t get into a PhD program,  I was worrying my head off and then it struck me, what a hypocrite I was being,  God moved mountains for me and there I was whining. My final semester, I had a paper called spectroscopy, still don’t understand a word of it or even quantum mechanics for that matter. Anyway, I slept through the final exam, I mugged up the whole thing over so much coffee the night before and didn’t sleep a wink. There was literally nothing on my answer sheet, the ones I knew the answers to I messed up the question numbers and I forgot half way through the answers. I knew I would fail. The month that I was waiting for my results, I would just stare at my convocation tickets and feel guilty that my parents wouldn’t be able to go. But my mom, she prayed, she had faith and you know what, even when I had no faith, He was faithful, the results came and I passed, a miracle no short. There were people who failed but I didn’t. He did the impossible for me and there I was whining, worrying, and being ungrateful. If it’s his will, it will fall right into your hands, if it’s not it will fall through and be gracious and know that He has the best in store for you. No man has seen, no man has dreamt what the Almighty has kept for you. Be gracious and hold on to hope, look back and be grateful for his love.

I stopped worrying over what next and there is a calm now. He says he cares for you, He understands you and he wants you to place your burdens at his feet so he can be there for you. Trust him with all of you and  have faith,even when you feel like there is no other  way. Remember his miracles. So when life gives you a mean kick, and if you are in a rut like I am, know that things will change for you and hold on, because all will be well.